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Category Archives: Political
Old Guy Ranting about Old Guys Ranting :Anti-woke Evangelism.
It’s time for another edition of Old Guy Ranting about Old Guys Ranting.
As you may have surmised from some of my previous posts, the anti-woke evangelists have really stuck in my craw. I figure if I am calling this series “Old Guy Ranting” I need to use old guy terms. I am proud to say that I had to look up “craw” in the New Oxford American Dictionary. Ok it’s an app but I do have a dictionary in my home library (read “pile of books I reference when writing at home.”) It means stomach rather than the gums or jaws that I thought it referenced. Yes, you can teach an old guy old guy tricks or words in this instance. But I digress….
You may recall from my previous ranting posts (the old guy ones) the definition of woke is basically realizing you haven’t been following the golden rule in some aspect of your life.1. You have become “woke” to that fact of your behavior and you resolve to change your ways and quite acting like an asshat in some cases and a criminal in other cases. The real awaking was when we realized that by not saying “No, you can’t do that” we were just as guilty as those participating in said behavior.
When the awakening played out on a national level the blanket term woke was applied to those who recognized the behavior and called attention to it’s moral decrepitude and in many cases it’s illegality. Illegal in that it violated the rights of others. Most would argue that being woke is a good thing but there are some out there who have railed against the idea of being woke. I guess they are proud of being asleep or in many cases unconscious.
Why would prominent people, in many cases politicians and/or TV commentators, take such a public stance. Simple. They want to further divide the country. Divide and conquer don’t you know. It doesn’t matter what side you fall on, most of us fall for it hook line and sinker.
My suggestion is that when the woke word is used we take a deep breath and think back to our upbringing and what our parents , grandparents or non incarcerated elders taught us about how to treat others. In some cases think of the scholars who taught us what our civil rights are.
For those sociopaths out there, don’t worry yourself, the entire concept of the golden rule is foreign to you. In fact I’m not sure worry is a familiar emotion to you.
You may be saying “gee the idea of woke no longer seems part of the nations zeitgeist.” It’s true that at any one moment it may not be on most peoples minds or lips but it’s a short moment until an anti-woke evangelist steps up to the pulpit once again. One of the evangelists has even written a book on how to fight the “woke”. The title of the book refers to being woke as Marxism. No doubt to trigger the “oh god no” response.
I am hoping the only people buying the book are too far gone , a sympathetic relative of the author and/or just a crime away from prosecution. Its really hard for me to believe that any of his relatives are sympathetic. Its also really hard for me to imagine it could be a book more than one page. The one page would look like this. “Only worry about yourself and you will never be accused of being woke.” Done, fini.2 I’ll step down from my soap box… for now.
You may be an Asshat if…(Today’s Guide to the common Asshat)
American culture is so transient and capricious these days sometimes its hard to tell the asshats from decent folk.
If you are not familiar with the term asshat it is just a less vulgar term for assh***. Your know the word.
There are many forms expressing similar attributes.
AssClown: It still has the ass characteristic but now it takes on a certain level of incompetence as it applies to whatever activity they are taking part in.
AssMoron :Similar to AssClown but they have achieved a much higer level of incompetence than AssClowns.
AssJerk :Does not really exist because the second syllable in the term has much the same meaning as asshat making it redundant.
“Today we focus on the common asshat.
Ive created just the tool you need to determine if someone you know is one. So with no further ado and my apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, I give you today’s guide to the common asshat.”
**They may be an asshat ….
If they use the term “woke” and they are not describing the state of someone no longer sleeping.
If they use the term woke and they put air quotes around the word “woke”.
They use the term snowflake in a derogatory manner.
But what Is a derogatory manner?
I’ll call out some guidelines here.
It’s a derogatory manner If the word is being used and does not relate to weather or something that is unique as in “Just like a snowflake is unique in that no other snowflake looks the same, no fingerprint is identical.”
They put the prefix “anti” in front of woke and think it’s a good thing when in fact they have just declared that they are against waking up and plan on sleeping the rest of their adult lives. If only it were true.
They are the same sort of folks that think Antifa is a bad thing even though the largest Antifa group on record was the U.S Armed Forces and their allies during WWII.
They create a new law which begs to have the words “don’t say” in front of it while still defending the first amendment.
They use the abbreviation PC or the term “political correctness” with a sarcastic tone or with air quotes.
They boycott their favorite beer company when the company created a beer can giving props to a transgender media star. They then realize they have no other beer in the house and decide to consume what they had in private. Waste not want not.
Further more, after drinking all of the bad “woke beer” in the house, they pick a “non woke beer” to drink not realizing the beer is made by the same company that owns their formerly favorite beer. In fact that company has 14 different brands of beer so odds are the asshats will end up still supporting a “Woke” company.
They get into a battle of wits with Mickey Mouse and they are woefully unarmed.
The groups that tend to generate asshat behavior at an alarming rate always create new enemies in fake culture wars to further divide this country. Never fear. I will stand at the ready to help you identify new members of this group that collectively I call The Society of Asshats.
The secret lives of George Santos(Kept on the down-low)
“Yea, see that supermodel on TV. I just broke up with her but keep that on the down-low. The kid is still a bit heartbroken but she’ll get over it.”
“”Why” you ask? Well, I met someone new and I’m just a one woman man.”
“”Who” you say? Well, you’d be surprised. You may know her as Halle Berry.”
“Oh, she’s involved you say? Yes of course she is. With me.
That other guy is just to throw off the paparazzi. She’s keeping me on the down-low.”
“Besides how could she turn down someone who’s independently wealthy and offers his espionage services pro bono to his country.”
“What? You’ve never heard of me? “
“For both those efforts I don’t like to be in the spotlight. Yes that’s it. I’m keeping it on the down-low.”
“What am I doing in DC?” I’m um, dropping by the Holocaust museum to check their records to make sure a uh, a cousin once removed is listed. Yea that’s the ticket.”
“Yes very tragic.”
“How long am I in DC?”
“Well a couple more days. I’m, um, checking into running for office. Yea, that’s the ticket.
“Oh no, not the Presidency but for a Senate office. My resume needs to be “beefed up” before I attempt a run for President. There are some useful skills I need to make up experience, um, acquire, before I run for President.”
“Stop! This is why I wanted to run through your monologue,” a befuddled Lorne Michaels uttered.
“This sounds too much like a Jon Lovitz liar routine. You won’t fool anyone.”
“You’d be surprised Mr. Michaels but that’s alright I can go in another direction.
“Great thanks let’s take a short break for lunch and well start with your new stuff. You know if the entertainment business doesn’t work out you might give politics a go at it.”
“Thanks I’ll keep that in mind but keep that on the down-low.”
There is no known record of George Santos ever auditioning for Saturday Night Live but don’t be surprised if it turns up on his resume in the future.
Must See Tv
When the election of 2016 had finished I realized that our president elect was not too far removed from his recent TV gig as a reality show host. I thought, “This will be interesting.”
To say the least that was an understatement.
Our conspiracy friends have an interesting take on the man in question and his reality show tendencies…
The dog days of summer had taken a hold of Washington DC like a lobbyist on a politician. There was hardly any breathing room.
A small breeze from a few ceiling fans waltzed across the sweaty faces of three familiar and only occupants of a certain unassuming neighborhood bar on Capitol Hill.
Mr. Panama * was holding court and was about to reveal what he believes to be the underlying cause of the wild actions of the currant occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Well, the recent actions, this past week.
“You’re pausing for effect aren’t you,” asked the bearded man.
“Of course. Could there be any other reason?” asked Mr Panama.
“That or perhaps the brat you just ate did not agree with you,” replied the bearded one.**
“No, it’s for effect. May I continue?”
The nondescript bar tender and the bearded one replied in unison, “Please get on with it.”
“All right. So back to my theory that would explain the recent hi-jinks of the current leader of the free world.”
“Yes, we’re on the edge of our stools. Please.”
Do you agree the said occupant is not so far removed from being host of the TV reality show “The Apprentice”.
“I agree,” replied the bearded one.
“I think he always wanted to be a network TV programming director and I believe that is the model he is using for his presidency,” said Mr. Panama.
“I don’t watch much TV but I heard a rumor to that effect,” replied the bartender.
“Could you explain further,” asked the bearded one.
“I was about to after adding an additional pause for effect.”
“Any more pauses and the only effect you will observe is the sight of us asleep,” replied the bartender.
“I believe the recent activities of our president were examples of pilots of reality shows he and some of his aids plans on developing for the networks.”
“Which aides are you referring to?” asked the bartender.
“There is no point in naming them. Aids in this administration
are like red shirted Star Trek crew members. Their time in the spotlight won’t be long,” replied Mr. Panama.
“So if they are pilots who is the audience,” asked the bearded one.
“The press and whatever polls are being taken at the time.”
“What if the poles are negative,” asked the bartender.
“He doesn’t mind that so much because what he is looking at is the percentage of respondents having expressed an opinion. The less he sees with “No opinion” the better. If they have an opinion they’re paying attention. He believes they are the ones that would tune into the show(s).”
“So what are the shows he’s pitching,” asked the bartender
Mr Panama replied, “”So you want to buy an Island?” tested out very well.”
“That Greenland story had a lot of people paying attention.”
“But a lot of them were late night comedians,” added the bearded one.
“Doesn’t matter its free publicity.”
“His other pilot program has been going on for a while with no known name but I think they have a name for it now and it’s called “What is our policy today?
It’s inspired by the Mar-a-lago 3.”
“Who,” asked the bearded one.
“Good friends of his that are members of the Mar-a-largo club.
Supposedly they are directing policy for the Veterans Administration,” replied Mr. Panama.
“The show will consist of successful members of Trump’s outer circle of friends suggesting new policies for random Government agencies.”
“Why are they considered successful?” asked the bearded one.
“Duh, they’re all rich. You should know that by now,” responded Mr. Panama.
“That ought to be interesting ,” said the bartender.
“They come up with a new policy and then apply it to a random agency.”
“ That doesn’t seem to be a good strategy,” remarked the bearded one.
“Shouldn’t they craft a strategy for a particular agency,” asked the bartender.
“Probably but it is good television and the president knows good television.”
“It will be interesting to see how this theory plays out ,” said the bearded one.
“I can’t wait for sweeps week,” added the bartender.
- Full name Mr. Panama Hat. See my conspiracy series of blog posts.
- * This character is only known as “The Bearded One” or ” Bearded One.” Again see the above link.
Pharma-Capitol Shenanigans (Pharmaceutical-Palooza Series)
Location : Capitol Hill – An office in the Senate office Building. When: Late afternoon (after completion of a presentation by Hypochondriacs against Big Pharma Commercials).
“I don’t know about you Senator but I don’t think that went too well,” said Abe.
“Were you at the same session that I was at because I think that was a resounding success,” replied the Senator.
“Resounding? I don’t think there were more than 35 Senators there.”
“Yes , but at the beginning we had a full house.”
“But there were open seats.”
“When you get 70 senators out of a 100 to show up that’s a full house.”
“That is depressing.”
“No, that is reality.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s not depressing. There was only 15 left at the end of a thirty minute presentation.”
“Yea that was your fault.”
“How was it my fault?”
“The average age of a US Senator is 60. You lost twenty senators at the mention erectile disfunction.”
“Why did that cause them to leave?”
“It reminded them that they needed a refill.”
“So when did I lose the rest?”
“You lost a few more at the mention of temporary memory loss, hemeroids and frequent urination. It was kind of a steady trickle after that.”
“You’re putting that all on me?”
“Well, that’s probably not fair. Our normal daily attrition rate is similar and for pretty much the same reasons.”
“Again, thats depressing.”
“It could have been worse.”
“How?”
“You could have mentioned side affects related to alcoholism. That would have emptied the place.”
“So whats our next move?”
“Well, normally I would conduct follow up meetings in the next couple of days but I will probably
wait until next week.”
“Why the wait?”
“Well, you got em stirred up a bit today. The frequent urinators will be back in the morning but It will take a few days for the hemorrhoid sufferers to calm down. It could be a while for the memory loss folks if at all.”
“If at all?”
“Yea, they could just think they’re retired. It’s happened before.”
Other posts in this series
Mr. Doe Goes To Washington
Location : Capitol Hill – An office in the Senate office building
The head of a senator pokes out from behind the door of his inner office.
“Doris, I am meeting with some constituents and I do not want to be disturbed for a bit.”
“Yes sir. They must be important constituents to blow off your committee meeting.”
“It’s an election year, all of my constituents are important.”
“Ooh. Are they lobbyists?”
“No, They’re hypochondriacs.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Both have irrational fears but the hypochondriacs don’t have any money to throw at their problems, only votes.”
“Ok, a half hour without being bothered, got it.”
Closing the door the Senator turned around to find his constituents arranged in front of him like a pair of his old socks bunched up around the ankles.
“So do I understand correctly people that later today I am to bring up your issue on the floor?”
“Yes sir, that is correct,”replied Abe.
“And what would that issue be,” asked the Senator.
“We sent you a power point presentation to bring you up to speed. Did you not get it?”
“Oh , I received it. I just haven’t had time to review it what with the debates and all. “
“But you’re not running,” stated Abe.
“No, but I have been taking notes so I could work the one liners into my weekly cocktail hour,” replied the Senator.
“Oh ok, Well I can summarize. Our issue is with the commercials being produced by Big Pharma theses days. As hypochondriacs it drives many of us to take on the symptoms of the medical issue the drugs are meant to address. “
“Now I remember. Can’t you just realize at the beginning of the commercial you haven’t been diagnosed with the particular medical problem?” asked the Senator.
“Would that we could sir. We’re hypochondriacs. Reason left our life stories some time ago. I would think you would be sympathetic to that.”
“Um, of course I’m sympathetic. I think?”
“With some of those commercials your lucky if you even realize the medical condition they are addressing.”
“Yes, I understand the problem but there are only ,what, ten of you here today?”
“Just a small sample of our group sir. Here is the petition I mentioned in the email. It has 20,000 signatures. All of whom are registered to vote.”
“Oh my, this is a problem. It must be addressed. I would like to lead off with the little blind kid with the white cane but I don’t want to appear I’m manipulating their emotions.
“Oh, he’s not blind. He’s a hypochondriac also.”
“Perfect it will humanize the issue without the exploit factor. Bring him up here.”
“Ok but he want’s to check his prostate first,” replied Doris.
Seeing the the boy kneel down and check his own ankles the Senator replied, “He seems confused.”
“He’s five years old,” replied his mother. “Would you like to show him where his prostate is?”
“No, thats quite alright.” This is a bigger problem than I thought.
It’s That Season Already
Rays of sunshine peaked around fluffy white clouds as another day dawned at the gates. Herbert was on duty at the arrival desk providing for more vacation relief. Apparently St Peter was trying to get an afterlife.
The first shuttle of the day pulled up and a full compliment of arrivals disembarked. Herbert wasn’t sure but given that they all were wearing the same clothes, almost costumes really, he surmised they knew each other. Looking at the manifest he confirmed his suspicion.
“Yep, they’re all political consultants. That explains the plain grey suits and ties in what I assume is this years power color.”
The first person of the group stepped up to the podium.
“Hello I have been asked to be the spokesperson of the group.”
“Of course you have, What’s on your mind?”
“So, Are we correct in assuming these are the gates to heaven?”
“You are correct in assuming so sir.”
Herbert felt strange. He normally was not so formal. Perhaps it was the suits.
“Well, we are quite confused as to how we made it here?”
“Oh, why is that?”
“Aside from the fact that we are all political consultants, we also all basically committed suicide.”
“Well, as to the first part I can only say that is not immediate grounds for relocation to the basement so to speak. Unless you worked for Hitler, Mussolini or various other despots. I have a list here if you would like to check.”
“No, that won’t be necessary. We were not employed by any of those.”
“And as for the second part of your claim, I am quite certain you are mistaken. The shuttle would have taken you to a holding area to adjudicate the circumstances. Are you sure you all ended your lives?”
“Well not physically as such but we all gave up the will to live.”
“That’s not grounds for adjudication. But really; All of you? What possessed you to do that.”
“Well, it was quite a lot of things but mostly we were all tired of not being listened to.”
“Yes, that’s right,” the group shouted in unison.
At this point individuals began stepping forth to add their own voices to the discussion.
“It wasn’t like our advice was hard to understand,” said the average looking one in a suit.
“Yea, it was in plain language,” said another indistinguishable one in a suit.
“Yes,” said another one looking like, well you know the drill.
“We even put it on a flash card around their neck so they could consult it whenever they were asked a question,” added the spokesperson.
“Sounds like a good idea,” replied Herbert. “What did it say?”
“It says and I quote “Whatever you’re are thinking, don’t say it.”
“And that didn’t work?”
“Oh no, They just laughed and proceeded to insult every voting demographic that exists. Some of them we didn’t know existed until they expressed their rage.”
“Yea, And we had to clean up the mess,” shouted another, uh, nondescript arrival.
“Sorry to hear that but that is no longer your concern so you can all relax. I do have one question if you don’t mind?”
“Oh sure, you’re the gatekeeper by all means.”
“There is one gentlemen that kinds of stands out over there in the back.”
“Oh, Harry?”
“Is he the naked one covered in rather large bandages?”
“Yes and those are bumper stickers. He lost his mind before he lost the will to live.”
“You don’t say. What caused that?”
“Oh, the bumper stickers I supposed. Those were his clients last request before he just lost it.”
“What do they say?”
“The candidate apologizes in advance for anything offensive he will say soon”
“That would do it.”