Category Archives: Political

Humor, Political, satire

A Former Heroin Addict, a Guy With Mercury Poisoning and a Worm Walk into Congress

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A Former Heroin Addict, A guy with Mercury poisoning and a dead worm walk into Congress. Worm walking? What? Congress? Isn’t that supposed to be a bar. Sadly no, this is not the start of a joke. It’s one guy and he is a vessel for a dead worm. Now this normally would be a sad story but the reality is even more tragic. This particular mercury ridden addict and dead worm transport is in charge of the agency protecting the health of all Americans.

But wait, there’s more . The man is also an avowed anti-vaxer and has no medical experience. Now I believe people deserve second chances but I think there needs to be better judgement on the type of chances you give them. You don’t put them in a position of massive responsibility affecting hundreds of millions of people. Just like you don’t put an alcoholic in charge of a huge organization with the power to destroy the earth several time over. Oh wait, that’s been done.

This is all brought to you by a reality TV star who say’s he only hires the best people. No wonder comedians have a love hate relationship with this guy. When the reality TV show craze hit and I said that this was going to destroy the country I was being flippant. Now it appears I was being prescient.

Since the COVID pandemic, it seems that we have degraded into a dystopian version of Jr. High School where intelligence challenged and or worm addled bullies who ate paint chips when they were younger pick on the smart kids. In this case though, the bullies are also the principle, the vice-principal, the school counselor, the school nurse and the superintendent of school security. To be honest it’s a male nurse and they got some flack for being too progressive but since he had no medical experience and was an ex junkie they thought that counteracted any progressive accusations. They kept the worm and mercury poisoning to themselves. Any responsible school district would fire the Principal, Vice Principal and the afore mentioned accomplices and banish them to a school district warehouse never to be seen again. But that is not where we are at folks. In our reality we praise these people and fire the folks that are holding the school together, the teachers.

If you have seen the movie Idiocracy you may now be looking at it in a different light. If you haven’t the short take is that a guy of average intelligence is frozen and thaws out in the distant future. Society has become so dumb he is considered a genius and is made president. When it came out one could think it was satiric statement on where our society could be in the distant future. Now it appears to be a warning on where we are now and what will happen if we keep going in this direction.

If this goes on much further we will regress to the point where fire is bad and we will all be in danger of trichinosis. I guess that would make the sushi and gatorade folks ecstatic. If you don’t get the gatorade bit you really need to see Idiocracy.

family, Political

Representing Casimir

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It is appropriate that as I participate in the March fourth FiftyFiftyOne protest surrounded by American and Ukrainian Flags, I receive a text from my Mom telling me that today is a day celebrating the feast of St Casimir.

I grew up in a Polish Neighborhood in Chicago where dawn was greeting by the raising of American Flags and dusk saw them lowered. This occurred every day, weather permitting. Polish was a common language in my neighborhood. It was spoken among my Grandparents, many other relatives and neighbors. Some speakers had come over from Poland and some were born here but all were proud Americans and saw no need to forget the language or traditions of Poland. I am thankful for that. I grew up in a house owned by my Grandparents and surrounded by Polish traditions and the occasional Polish conversation among older relatives. It was an idyllic upbringing.

My Grandfather and Father shared the same first name of Casimir. The name may sound strange to WASPy white bread America but Casimir is a fairly common Polish name1 and there are many guys with that name in Chicago, Detroit, Buffalo…anywhere they make their own Polish Sausage and there is a bowling alley for every 50 Poles.

My Father did not bow before any man and when he saw a wrong he spoke up. When the NRA called the FBI “jack booted thugs” after WACO, my Father gave up his lifetime membership. When the Moose Lodge refused admittance to black members of his party, he renounced that membership. My father didn’t suffer fools lightly.

On a day when I am protesting the destructive and un-american policies of the current US Administration and their demonization of immigrants, minorities and basically anyone not a billionaire, it is appropriate that the protest falls on the Feast of St Casimir. My Father is in my heart and in my voice as I shout to the heavens.

Note: The Polish Eagle is displayed on its official crest. Interesting that we have the Eagle in common.

Note: The “Don’t Tread on Me” flag, also known as the Gadsden flag, was designed during the American Revolution by Christopher Gadsden as a symbol of American unity and resistance against oppression. We need American unity again.

More On Casimir Pulaski:

https://www.battlefields.org/learn/biographies/casimir-pulaski

More on my

Dad:

https://thesoundoflaughter.com/?s=Finite+Memories: Representing Casimir

Humor, Political, satire

Gee Elon, What Could Go Wrong?

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Elon Musk wants to be Trumps efficiency expert.

That’s scary. I can foresee quite a few scenarios inspired by his takeover of another entity he didn’t start, Twitter (Yes I still call it that) and they involved seemingly random staff cuts. He would discover he needed some of them and had to try to get them back. That example doesn’t leave me with a warm fuzzy feeling . Remember Self driving cars and underground tube transport systems. You can bet he want’s to get rid of all Auto Safety standards and anything that doesn’t allow his self driving cars to become a menace on the roads. Yes, no warm fuzzies what-so-ever.

The following dialogue is from a purely fictitious conversation that I imagine could be possible. I shouldn’t have to mention this but this is a parody. Maybe someday the voices in my head can talk to the voices in Elon’s head and straighten out any confusion. I hear he’s working on a brain chip for that.

Key: U = Unknown person soon to be kicked out of Elon’s inner circle.

Note: It is not believed that Elon has an outer circle. I am giving him the benefit of doubt that he as an inner one. Or at least an inner dialogue of various voices.

U – “Mr Musk, what is your first idea when it comes to streamlining the goverment?”

Elon “Well, do we really need a separate ambassador for individual Asian countries. Why can’t we just have one I for the whole continent I mean aren’t they all the same?

U- “ Sir, you do realize that China, Russia and India are just a few of the countries that are part of the Asian Continent and that Asia makes up 60% of the worlds population. It’s home to about 4.46 billion people speaking about 2,300 languages.”

“I can read a map as it’s currently laid out, for now. I still stick by my statement that they are all the same.”

U – “So you are suggesting that one person serve as liaison to the entire continent when two of those countries represent the biggest threats to the U.S. and world peace?

“Hmm, That seems like a problem that I like to categorize as someone else’s. It’s all going to be a moot point when Donald invites China and Russia to divide us up for whatever spoils he can negotiate. He is a master negotiator you know.”

U- “Yes, I’ve heard that claim often, mostly from him.

Did you ever notice that his only goal when negotiating is to not look stupid?”

“He never looks stupid.”

U- “No, not until the aftermath sets in and he’s not around or not held accountable for it. If that does happen he is very practiced in the crude and ancient art of finger pointing. It’s his best defense mechanism. “

“That may be true. I heard he may call it blame-it-su and trademark it. Which I think is brilliant.”

U- “I’m not sure about your Diplomat reduction idea. What other ideas do you have?”

“I have a great way to streamline Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid.”

U- “Interesting, Do you have any idea what the basic living and medical costs are for a retired or disabled person?”

“No but it can’t be as much as mine. I mean yes I am a billionaire but it costs more for a genius to live these days.”

U – “Interesting and perhaps ironic.”

“How’s that?”

U – “Well Nicolai Tesla is considered a real genius and he ended up living on soda crackers and the kindness of others.”

“Yes, but he wasn’t a billionaire was he.”

U “No. What’s your point”

“I can’t rely on the kindness of strangers.”

U- “No argument here.”

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Humor, Political

Old Guy Ranting about Old Guys Ranting :Anti-woke Evangelism.

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It’s time for another edition of Old Guy Ranting about Old Guys Ranting.

As you may have surmised from some of my previous posts, the anti-woke evangelists have really stuck in my craw. I figure if I am calling this series “Old Guy Ranting” I need to use old guy terms. I am proud to say that I had to look up “craw” in the New Oxford American Dictionary. Ok it’s an app but I do have a dictionary in my home library (read “pile of books I reference when writing at home.”) It means stomach rather than the gums or jaws that I thought it referenced. Yes, you can teach an old guy old guy tricks or words in this instance. But I digress….

You may recall from my previous ranting posts (the old guy ones) the definition of woke is basically realizing you haven’t been following the golden rule in some aspect of your life.2. You have become “woke” to that fact of your behavior and you resolve to change your ways and quite acting like an asshat in some cases and a criminal in other cases. The real awaking was when we realized that by not saying “No, you can’t do that” we were just as guilty as those participating in said behavior.

When the awakening played out on a national level the blanket term woke was applied to those who recognized the behavior and called attention to it’s moral decrepitude and in many cases it’s illegality. Illegal in that it violated the rights of others. Most would argue that being woke is a good thing but there are some out there who have railed against the idea of being woke. I guess they are proud of being asleep or in many cases unconscious.

Why would prominent people, in many cases politicians and/or TV commentators, take such a public stance. Simple. They want to further divide the country. Divide and conquer don’t you know. It doesn’t matter what side you fall on, most of us fall for it hook line and sinker.

My suggestion is that when the woke word is used we take a deep breath and think back to our upbringing and what our parents , grandparents or non incarcerated elders taught us about how to treat others. In some cases think of the scholars who taught us what our civil rights are.

For those sociopaths out there, don’t worry yourself, the entire concept of the golden rule is foreign to you. In fact I’m not sure worry is a familiar emotion to you.

You may be saying “gee the idea of woke no longer seems part of the nations zeitgeist.” It’s true that at any one moment it may not be on most peoples minds or lips but it’s a short moment until an anti-woke evangelist steps up to the pulpit once again. One of the evangelists has even written a book on how to fight the “woke”. The title of the book refers to being woke as Marxism. No doubt to trigger the “oh god no” response.

I am hoping the only people buying the book are too far gone , a sympathetic relative of the author and/or just a crime away from prosecution. Its really hard for me to believe that any of his relatives are sympathetic. Its also really hard for me to imagine it could be a book more than one page. The one page would look like this. “Only worry about yourself and you will never be accused of being woke.” Done, fini.3 I’ll step down from my soap box… for now.


Humor, Political, satire

You may be an Asshat if…(Today’s Guide to the common Asshat)

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American culture is so transient and capricious these days sometimes its hard to tell the asshats from decent folk.
If you are not familiar with the term asshat it is just a less vulgar term for assh***. Your know the word.

There are many forms expressing similar attributes.
AssClown: It still has the ass characteristic but now it takes on a certain level of incompetence as it applies to whatever activity they are taking part in.

AssMoron :Similar to AssClown but they have achieved a much higer level of incompetence than AssClowns.

AssJerk :Does not really exist because the second syllable in the term has much the same meaning as asshat making it redundant.

“Today we focus on the common asshat.
Ive created just the tool you need to determine if someone you know is one. So with no further ado and my apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, I give you today’s guide to the common asshat.”

**They may be an asshat ….
If they use the term “woke” and they are not describing the state of someone no longer sleeping.

If they use the term woke and they put air quotes around the word “woke”.

They use the term snowflake in a derogatory manner.
But what Is a derogatory manner?
I’ll call out some guidelines here.

It’s a derogatory manner If the word is being used and does not relate to weather or something that is unique as in “Just like a snowflake is unique in that no other snowflake looks the same, no fingerprint is identical.”

They put the prefix “anti” in front of woke and think it’s a good thing when in fact they have just declared that they are against waking up and plan on sleeping the rest of their adult lives. If only it were true.

They are the same sort of folks that think Antifa is a bad thing even though the largest Antifa group on record was the U.S Armed Forces and their allies during WWII.

They create a new law which begs to have the words “don’t say” in front of it while still defending the first amendment.

They use the abbreviation PC or the term “political correctness” with a sarcastic tone or with air quotes.

They boycott their favorite beer company when the company created a beer can giving props to a transgender media star. They then realize they have no other beer in the house and decide to consume what they had in private. Waste not want not.

Further more, after drinking all of the bad “woke beer” in the house, they pick a “non woke beer” to drink not realizing the beer is made by the same company that owns their formerly favorite beer. In fact that company has 14 different brands of beer so odds are the asshats will end up still supporting a “Woke” company.

They get into a battle of wits with Mickey Mouse and they are woefully unarmed.

The groups that tend to generate asshat behavior at an alarming rate always create new enemies in fake culture wars to further divide this country. Never fear. I will stand at the ready to help you identify new members of this group that collectively I call The Society of Asshats.

Humor, Political, satire, Television

The secret lives of George Santos(Kept on the down-low)

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“Yea, see that supermodel on TV. I just broke up with her but keep that on the down-low. The kid is still a bit heartbroken but she’ll get over it.”

“”Why” you ask? Well, I met someone new and I’m just a one woman man.”

“”Who” you say? Well, you’d be surprised. You may know her as Halle Berry.”

“Oh, she’s involved you say? Yes of course she is. With me.
That other guy is just to throw off the paparazzi. She’s keeping me on the down-low.”

“Besides how could she turn down someone who’s independently wealthy and offers his espionage services pro bono to his country.”

“What? You’ve never heard of me? “

“For both those efforts I don’t like to be in the spotlight. Yes that’s it. I’m keeping it on the down-low.”

“What am I doing in DC?” I’m um, dropping by the Holocaust museum to check their records to make sure a uh, a cousin once removed is listed. Yea that’s the ticket.”

“Yes very tragic.”

“How long am I in DC?”

“Well a couple more days. I’m, um, checking into running for office. Yea, that’s the ticket.

“Oh no, not the Presidency but for a Senate office. My resume needs to be “beefed up” before I attempt a run for President. There are some useful skills I need to make up experience, um, acquire, before I run for President.”

“Stop! This is why I wanted to run through your monologue,” a befuddled Lorne Michaels uttered.

“This sounds too much like a Jon Lovitz liar routine. You won’t fool anyone.”

“You’d be surprised Mr. Michaels but that’s alright I can go in another direction.

“Great thanks let’s take a short break for lunch and well start with your new stuff. You know if the entertainment business doesn’t work out you might give politics a go at it.”

“Thanks I’ll keep that in mind but keep that on the down-low.”

There is no known record of George Santos ever auditioning for Saturday Night Live but don’t be surprised if it turns up on his resume in the future.

Humor, Political, satire

Must See Tv

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When the election of 2016 had finished I realized that our president elect was not too far removed from his recent TV gig as a reality show host. I thought, “This will be interesting.”
To say the least that was an understatement.


Our conspiracy friends have an interesting take on the man in question and his reality show tendencies…

The dog days of summer had taken a hold of Washington DC like a  lobbyist on a politician. There was hardly any breathing room.

A small breeze from a few ceiling fans waltzed across the sweaty faces of three familiar and only occupants of a certain unassuming neighborhood bar on Capitol Hill.

Mr. Panama * was holding court and was about to reveal what he believes  to be the underlying cause of the wild actions of the currant occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. 

Well, the recent actions, this past week.

“You’re pausing for effect aren’t you,” asked the bearded man.

“Of course. Could there be any other reason?” asked Mr Panama.

“That or perhaps the brat you just ate did not agree with you,” replied the bearded one.** 

“No, it’s for effect. May I continue?”

The nondescript bar tender and the bearded one replied in unison, “Please get on with it.”

“All right. So back to my theory that would explain the recent hi-jinks of the current leader of the free world.”

“Yes, we’re on the edge of our stools. Please.”

Do you agree the said occupant is not so far removed from being host of the TV reality show “The Apprentice”.

“I  agree,” replied the bearded one.

“I think he always wanted to be a network TV programming director and I believe that is  the model he is using for his presidency,” said Mr. Panama.

“I don’t watch much TV but I heard a rumor to that effect,” replied the bartender.

“Could you explain further,” asked the bearded one.

“I was about to after adding an additional pause for effect.”

“Any more pauses and the only effect you will observe is the sight of us asleep,” replied the bartender.

“I believe the recent activities of our president were examples of pilots of reality shows he and some of his aids plans on developing for the networks.”

“Which aides are you referring to?” asked the bartender.

“There is no point in naming them. Aids in this administration
are like red shirted Star Trek crew members. Their time in the spotlight won’t be long,” replied Mr. Panama.

“So if they are pilots who is the audience,” asked the bearded one.

“The press and whatever polls are being taken at the time.”

“What if the poles are negative,” asked the bartender. 

“He doesn’t mind that so much because what he is looking at is the percentage of respondents having expressed an opinion. The less he sees with “No opinion” the better. If they have an opinion they’re paying attention. He believes they are the ones that would tune into the show(s).”

“So what are the shows he’s pitching,” asked the bartender

Mr Panama replied, “”So you want to buy an Island?” tested out very well.”

“That Greenland story had a lot of people paying attention.”

“But a lot of them were late night comedians,” added the bearded one.

“Doesn’t matter its free publicity.”

“His other pilot program has been going on for a while with no known name but I think they have a name for it now and it’s called “What is our policy today?

It’s inspired by the Mar-a-lago 3.”

“Who,” asked the bearded one.

“Good friends of his that are members of the Mar-a-largo club.

Supposedly they are directing policy for the Veterans Administration,” replied Mr. Panama.

“The show will consist of successful members of Trump’s outer circle of friends suggesting new policies for random Government agencies.”

“Why are they considered successful?” asked the bearded one.

“Duh, they’re all rich. You should know that by now,” responded Mr. Panama.

“That ought to be interesting ,”  said the  bartender.

“They come up with a new policy and then apply it to a random agency.”

“ That doesn’t seem to be a good strategy,” remarked the bearded one.

 “Shouldn’t they craft a strategy for a particular agency,” asked the bartender.

“Probably but it is good television and the president  knows good television.”

“It will be interesting to see how this theory plays out ,” said the bearded one.

“I can’t wait for sweeps week,” added the bartender.

  • Full name Mr. Panama Hat. See my conspiracy series of blog posts.
  • * This character is only known as “The Bearded One” or ” Bearded One.” Again see the above link.
Humor, Political, satire

Pharma-Capitol Shenanigans (Pharmaceutical-Palooza Series)

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Location : Capitol Hill – An office in the Senate office Building. When: Late afternoon (after completion of a presentation by Hypochondriacs against Big Pharma Commercials).

“I don’t know about you Senator but I don’t think that went too well,” said Abe.

“Were you at the same session that I was at because I think that was a resounding success,” replied the Senator.

“Resounding? I don’t think there were more than 35 Senators there.”

“Yes , but at the beginning we had a full house.”

“But there were open seats.”

“When you get 70 senators out of a 100 to show up that’s a full house.”

“That is depressing.”

“No, that is reality.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s not depressing. There was only 15 left at the end of a thirty minute presentation.”

“Yea that was your fault.”

“How was it my fault?”

“The average age of a US Senator is 60. You lost twenty senators at the mention erectile disfunction.”

“Why did that cause them to leave?”

“It reminded them that they needed a refill.”

“So when did I lose the rest?”

“You lost a few more at the mention of temporary memory loss, hemeroids and frequent urination. It was kind of a steady trickle after that.”

“You’re putting that all on me?”

“Well, that’s probably not fair. Our normal daily attrition rate is similar and for pretty much the same reasons.”

“Again, thats depressing.”

“It could have been worse.”

“How?”

“You could have mentioned side affects related to alcoholism. That would have emptied the place.”

“So whats our next move?”

“Well, normally I would conduct follow up meetings in the next couple of days but I will probably
wait until next week.”

“Why the wait?”

“Well, you got em stirred up a bit today. The frequent urinators will be back in the morning but It will take a few days for the hemorrhoid sufferers to calm down. It could be a while for the memory loss folks if at all.”

“If at all?”

“Yea, they could just think they’re retired. It’s happened before.”

 

Other posts in this series

Pharmaceutical-Palooza

The First Step is Admitting You Don’t Have a Problem

There is No I in Anonymous

Mr. Doe Goes To Washington

Humor, Political, satire, Television, Uncategorized

Mr. Doe Goes To Washington

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Location : Capitol Hill – An office in the Senate office building

The head of a senator pokes out from behind the door of his inner office.

“Doris, I am meeting with some constituents and I do not want to be disturbed for a bit.”

“Yes sir. They must be important constituents to blow off your committee meeting.”

“It’s an election year, all of my constituents are important.”

“Ooh. Are they lobbyists?”

“No, They’re hypochondriacs.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Both have irrational fears but the hypochondriacs don’t have any money to throw at their problems, only votes.”

“Ok, a half hour without being bothered, got it.”

Closing the door the Senator turned around to find his constituents arranged in front of him like a pair of his old socks bunched up around the ankles.

“So do I understand correctly people that later today I am to bring up your issue on the floor?”

“Yes sir, that is correct,”replied Abe.

“And what would that issue be,” asked the Senator.

“We sent you a power point presentation to bring you up to speed. Did you not get it?”

“Oh , I received it. I just haven’t had time to review it what with the debates and all. “

“But you’re not running,” stated Abe.

“No, but I have been taking notes so I could work the one liners into my weekly cocktail hour,” replied the Senator.

“Oh ok, Well I can summarize. Our issue is with the commercials being produced by Big Pharma theses days. As hypochondriacs it drives many of us to take on the symptoms of the medical issue the drugs are meant to address. “

“Now I remember. Can’t you just realize at the beginning of the commercial you haven’t been diagnosed with the particular medical problem?” asked the Senator.

“Would that we could sir. We’re hypochondriacs. Reason left our life stories some time ago. I would think you would be sympathetic to that.”

“Um, of course I’m sympathetic. I think?”

“With some of those commercials your lucky if you even realize the medical condition they are addressing.”

“Yes, I understand the problem but there are only ,what, ten of you here today?”

“Just a small sample of our group sir. Here is the petition I mentioned in the email. It has 20,000 signatures. All of whom are registered to vote.”

“Oh my, this is a problem. It must be addressed. I would like to lead off with the little blind kid with the white cane but I don’t want to appear I’m manipulating their emotions.

“Oh, he’s not blind. He’s a hypochondriac also.”

“Perfect it will humanize the issue without the exploit factor. Bring him up here.”

“Ok but he want’s to check his prostate first,” replied Doris.

Seeing the the boy kneel down and check his own ankles the Senator replied, “He seems confused.”

“He’s five years old,” replied his mother. “Would you like to show him where his prostate is?”

“No, thats quite alright.” This is a bigger problem than I thought.