It was the fourth day of creation and God, the creator, the big guy, the big girl or however you refer to him/her/it in your belief system, summoned one of the new aides, Herbert, to create hills.
“Herbert. Can I call you Herb?”
“Sure whatever floats your boat big guy.”
“Herb. I called you here to give you your purpose, the job that will be your responsibility and your’s alone.”
“Ooh, sounds exiting big guy. Drop it on me.”
“Drop it on you?”
“Yea it’s a saying”
“Not anymore it’s not.”
“Yea, It’s stupid. I don’t know who started it.”
“Pay attention Herb. Your job is to build hills.”
“Yea here is an image as an example.”
“Wow, you showed it right on that bush. How did you do that?”
“A mere parlor trick. Now pay attention and study the example. You are
responsible for all the hills that will be built.”
“All of them? As in every one of them?”
“Of course. This world is just getting started so that is the only meaning.”
“Wow. I don’t know if I can do it.”
“Of course you can. I have supreme confidence in you and that’s coming from me, God. If I am behind you, you can’t go wrong.”
“Hey that is catchy. Can I use it?”
“Sure, why not. Many motivational speakers will make money off of it in the future.” Hmm I wonder if I can get royalties? , he thought.
“OK, big guy. I’ll give it my best shot. Where do I start?”
God replaced the image of a hill with a map. “Well, I was thinking of a place that will be named after St. Francis. I call it San Francisco.”
“Cool. I will drop some really nice hills on that.”
“Sorry, I will create some really nice hills there.”
“Create? I am THE creator but I know what you mean.”
“OK, I will go forth and ‘hillafy.’”
“What? That is definitely not a saying.”
“No, but it can be one.”
“No, it can’t.”
“Very well. I’ll get right on it.”
“I will be back in a few hours to check on the results. If you do well, you will be doing the rest of the hills on this planet”
“Will do big guy.”
God went off to ponder his metaphorical navel* and decide who was going to be creating mountains.
Two hours had gone by and he had yet to decide. He had assigned the lake project, the tree project and had formulated the existence of blue navel lint but for mountains he was at a loss. He decided now would be a good time to check on Herbert.
God decided he would start at a place that eventually would become Chinatown. According to his map it should only be a 5 block walk up to what would be known as Knob Hill.
Much puffing later he had reached the top of the hill. Geez, That felt like 20 blocks. I have got to do more cardio, he thought. He turned to look back at the origin of his hike and was shocked to see how steep the climb had been. Well, I feel better about the shape I’m in but this isn’t a hill. It’s a mountain. I hope I can catch Herb before he can do more damage.
God turned to survey his surroundings and saw Herb making his way up the hill from the area that would be Pacific Heights. Herb arrived a few moments later huffing and puffing.
“Well, gasp, I’m, gasp, done.”
“What do you mean done?”
“I’m, gasp, done with, gasp, all the, gasp, hills for, gasp, this town.”
“Oh, um, good. I like what you’ve done with it. You have proven yourself worthy for a more difficult task however and I am promoting you. Your new title will be maker of mountains.”
“I quite like that,” replied Herb.
“I thought you would. It will make a good band name,” said God.
“Oh nothing,” said God.
“I want you to create something like this in this area.” He then displayed a new map image. “If I like what you have done there you will then move on to the continental divide.”
“With a name like that I presume it needs to be real big.”
“Yes, it should be but something tells me you will do just fine.”
* Great band name. Feel free to use it.
Catch Herbert’s next adventure.