Tag Archives: Dumpster

Boulder Noir: No Tell Motel

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Frank Bronski lay on his bed staring at possible water stains on the ceiling in a no tell motel on the edge of town. He actually couldn’t see the ceiling because he was lying in the dark but there were always water stains on the ceiling in these places. Frank had always used the term “no tell motel” because that was just the hard boiled thing to do. Actually the hard boiled term would be flophouse but even Frank had his standards. Motel had more class.

He never worried if anyone knew he was at one of these joints because there was never anything to tell. He stayed at them because the price point was always right, cheap. This time however he cared if a particular person knew he was here which is why he was laying in the dark. The big problem was the he didn’t know who that person was. He had not figured out who was attached to the voice yelling “I thought I recognized that SOB”. Given his past the possibilities were endless.

The term “endless” was a bit of an exaggeration. There was a theft involved and he was the victim. Unfortunately the stolen merchandise was only his for the short time it would take to turn it into cash for the rightful owner, minus his small cut of course. In this case the rightful owner was beholding to someone else and that someone else was also beholding to someone else and so on…yea he probably had a lot of people looking for him. It was the reason why he left town in the first place.

With the legalization of marijuana in Colorado he made the mistake in thinking he could come back with no problems. He wasn’t a very good drug dealer. In fact he really hadn’t been a good hood (criminal) in general so why not try the other side for a while. He pulled out his notepad and pencil from his coat. Given the amount of people that could be after him it would probably be a good idea to make a list and see if he could narrow down the suspects.

“I am not sure you have time for that,” boomed a voice from the corner of the room.

“Crap, Who is it ,” asked Frank into the darkness.

“Answer me this. Is there anyone you know in this town that can get into your hotel room unseen that would waste time on conversation instead of killing you?”

“Um, you do have a point, no. Are you the shadow?”

“For lack of a better label, yes”

“What did you mean by ‘not sure you have time for that?’ ”

Those gentlemen that were “interested” in you earlier are on their way here as we speak.

“Crap, I thought the desk clerk looked familiar.”

“Now is not the time but at some point we really should discuss who are these people and why are they so interested in you.”

“Yes, later, when I figure it out myself. For now just call it bad career choices. What the heck do I do now? There is no dumpster in here.”

“Is there a window in the bathroom?”

“Of course. I am new to the detective gig but not new to laying low.

I always have an exit plan.”

“Oh and what is your plan?”

“To go out through the bathroom window.”

“Brilliant, I’ll meet you outside.”

Frank looked around but the shadow was gone.

He took his cue and crawled through the bathroom window.

Immediately upon hitting the ground he heard “Psst over here.”

Frank thought he saw the shadow near a telephone exchange box.

“Where is the dumpster,” asked Frank.

“It’s not always a dumpster. This time it’s this old PBX box that hasn’t been functional in years.”

Frank shook his head, opened up the small door to the PBX box and crawled in. Everything went dark.

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Boulder Noir: Dumpster Diving for The Alternative Boulder

Boulder Noir: Episode #? Dumpster Diving for The Alternate Boulder

Frank was a few blocks away from his office hiding behind a dumpster and puffing hard.” I’ve got to get in better shape,” he thought.

He had hit the ground, or to be specific the fire escape, as soon as he exited the window of his third floor office and had made it several blocks before he needed oxygen.

Over the din of his breathing he heard “Psst”.

“What again,” he thought. Looking over his shoulder towards the source of the sound he saw the shadow in the dumpster.

“Quick, get in”.

“The dumpster? We’re just going to hide in a dumpster?”

“Not exactly, it’s kind of like an alternate universe without the universe part but I don’t have time to explain just get in.”

Having no choice Frank gracefully tumbled into the dumpster. Instead of landing amid refuse and assorted detritus he found himself landing on soft grass. Looking up he appeared to be along side a bridge next to the Boulder Creek. What the fudge , hard boiled detectives don’t swear. Sure they may fire off their gun when they don’t have to but they don’t swear. Don’t ask me just go with it.

“Psst”

Frank looked around for the shadow because by now he figured that’s who it was.

Surprisingly he found him right where a shadow should be, under the bridge among the other shadows.

“What the heck? Is this an alternative universe? How the heck does that work,” asked Frank. “Magic?”

“Don’t be silly,” said the shadow “there is no such thing.”

“Ok I’ll begrudgingly accept that but how did you do that.”

“Well, time flows like a river. Sometimes water forms eddies and pools around transient objects and allow for something wonderful to be exposed or to join the river itself.”

“Yea you’ve mentioned that before but there is no where in that nice little speech that tells me how I can jump into a dumpster in Downtown Boulder and end up several blocks away. Is the dumpster a transporter?”

“Transporter, um, nicely put.”

“Yea Star Trek had a big impact on our culture but cut to the chase.”

“Cut to the ….Oh yes. Um, would you believe small earthbound worm holes?”

“Well, it’s not magic but let’s go with that.”

“It’s like parallel universes on one planet and with the same universe.”

“You’re making it more convoluted. Stick with the earthbound worm holes.”

“Ok, I’ll accept that.”

“But why is it that I and seemingly everyone else have no clue about these earthbound worm holes, which I will call EWH because as a human in the twenty-first century I must use an acronym for something related to science or technology, lest my attention span get’s lost like a dog losing focus to a running squirrel.”

“Only a very few beings and some people can sense them.”

“A few people? So why are they still secret?”

“Because those people are either institutionalized or shunned as being mentally unbalanced.”

“That explains it. We tend to shun what we don’t understand. There’s a lot of shunning going on in society.”

“Yes, there is an awful lot of it. It’s used a coping mechanism to avoid the complicated issues or the things that don’t fit into your simplified view of the world.”

“I think I’m insulted.”

“Don’t be you’re not alone.”

“Ok, I’ll accept that. Thanks for helping me out when I was caught in the rain.”

“But it is not raining”

“It’s an expression it means I was in a jam. You know, in trouble.”

“Oh, my pleasure, you seem like you need help when you’re ‘caught in the rain.’ You haven’t been a detective long have you?”

“No but I’ll get the hang of it. In the meantime I appreciate the help in a squeeze.”

“Squeeze? Oh yes, not a problem.”

“I have to cheese it. I’m not far enough away from those guys to be comfortable.”

“Oh yes by all means cheese it. I’m sure I’ll see you again.”

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Dumpster Diving for Pharmaceuticals

Eighty-two dollars. Ten little yellow pills. Sorry Mick, not even mothers little helpers.

Eight Dollars and twenty cents a shot for Tamiflu and they don’t even come with a warning to call the Dr. after four hours.

Granted I was much happier with their ability to fight the flu. To catch you up, this is the part where I tell you that I have spent the last week like many unlucky Americans. No, the dumpster part comes later. I left work early on Monday with a sickness I have not had in years, the flu.

I have no idea why the flu has not visited me in the last 10 years. I have never been big on the flu shot. It’s always a crapshoot. My conclusion is that in the past it had lost the fight for possession of my body to sinus infections which decided to call my body their humble abode. Yes, I think the sinus infections muscled out any other nasty microbe that tried to move into its territory.

The infections were so bad ass that it took surgery to evict them.

I am happy to say I have been sinus infection free for over a year. But apparently, they left 
a big welcome matt open for any tenant regardless of race, creed or ability to make the landlord miserable. Hello Flu.

Since I have a weakened immune system, my doctor didn’t want to mess around and prescribed Tamiflu. “Weakened immune system,” you say? Is it time to put on patent leather shoes and move to Florida? No, I don’t have on sandals and Bermuda shorts and I am not that old yet but having diabetes weakens your immune system considerably.

Unfortunately, by the time I received the Dr’s message my provider’s pharmacy had closed. No worries, there was a critical care facility a mere 45 minutes away. What could happen while speeding with a 103 temperature? No, it’s not time for the dumpster yet.

It was 103 before I last talked to the Dr. I am sure it held at 103 like a good little fever. How often do you have a good excuse for speeding? My last such case was 2 am on a morning in 1991 and my appendix was threatening to introduce itself to me. The police didn’t pull me over then either.

When the pharmacist at urgent care rang up $82 for Tamiflu, even he had to double check that was the price after health insurance coverage. I was glad I did not have to add the price of a speeding ticket to that.

By Friday, the pills were working and my flu was on the ropes.
When I discovered I could not find the last three pills that evening, I panicked.  I just knew that I would have a relapse because I lost the last 24 dollars worth of Tamiflu.

Retracing my steps and looking everywhere in between, I had come to the frightening conclusion that those 3 little pills could probably be found snug as a bug in one of the two trash bags I had relegated to the dumpster that evening.

So, at ten o’clock on a Friday evening, I found myself hanging halfway in a dumpster. Probably no surprise to many that thought my life was headed in that direction.

Several thoughts went through my mind at the time.

The most insistent thought was “I should have thrown a belt on the mom jeans I was wearing.” It was cold outside and I was worried about even more exposure.

A car did stop nearby but they were just getting their mail. By the hurried sounds of their feet and screeching car tires, I assumed they had spotted me and were less than curious to see what was going on.

Oh well, the neighbors were not keeping our trash safe for democracy. I can live with that.

Proving myself to be right, as I found the pills in one of the trash bags, was a far less satisfying feeling than knowing that I would not suffer a relapse because of losing 24 bucks worth of Tamiflu.

Besides, there were a myriad of other reasons for having a relapse. Where did I put that good bottle of Scotch?”