Tag Archives: Conspiracy Theory

Humor

Inventing Stupidity (Caution: Good search engine optimization practices are ignored because the author assumes you are smart.)

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The technology we create is driving us towards stupidity.
We have smart phones, smart TVs and smart cars.
We are developing smart products quicker than we kill off brain cells.

I am not sure, there may be a causal relationship between the two. Drinking while using a cell phone probably doubles down on the loss.

The more we don’t have to do for ourselves the more things we can forget and then just plain can’t do anymore.
Do you remember important phone numbers? No of course not because your smart phone does it for you. Just don’t lose it without backing up those numbers because your brain won’t help you out. Without having to use those numbers you might as well make them up and the woman you keep calling Aunt Edna is going to have some some questions for you.

Maybe we need to work on smart humans.
There are many indications that we should have started on that years ago.


What indications are that Dan? (Sorry, it’s a habit I developed during the Covid-19 lock down. Hey at least I’ve stopped answering out loud.)

Some indications are glaringly obvious and others we are not aware of until something is needed like the aforementioned phone numbers.

On to the obvious clue captain.

One obvious indication is the spread of conspiracy theories. Never have so many people believed in outlandish accusations not supported by any facts.

Sure some of the blame falls on the ease in which “alternative facts”spread on the internet but according to experts those that are the most apt to believe in conspiracy theories lack critical thinking skills.

Did they always lack them or did laziness caused by smart technology overcome any critical thinking skills they had.

I believe the contagion factor is also helped along by good SEO (Search Engine Optimization ) practices which dictates that internet articles be short and easy to understand. I use a writing app that analyzes something I’ve written and identifies problems if one wants to appeal to the general population. One of those problems is that the writing is too difficult to read. What is too difficult you might ask? Any writing above a seventh grade level is your answer. That is the education level of the average American adult.

We are not doing anyone a favor by not challenging them to use a dictionary or dictionary App to those who have never heard there is a book for that. Maybe the word dictionary is above a seventh grade level? I for one am purposely not following good SEO practices. This article is considered difficult to read by SEO standards.

Humor

Hurray for 2021

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Written on the cusp of a new year.
This story brings together characters introduced in previous blog posts. The links to those are referenced upon their first mention.

The pandemic and its accompanying lock-down(s) has worn my sense of humor down to the size of a putt putt pencil. Therefore this post is not full of my usual jocularity. Yea I know.  Can someone who uses the word “jocularity” be very funny?


The fog that seemed to enshroud my mind
is finally giving way to lucid thoughts between periods of confusion and insanity.


When : Last Week
Where : The fertile imagination of the author.

(Hey if he says it’s fertile then it’s fertile. This will go a lot smoother if you just capitulate right now)

Locations: Various sets are littered throughout the authors mind, or is it sets littered with the authors mind? It could go either way at this point.

Location 1: A familiar but empty pub on Capitol Hill.

A few specters, male in form, briefly occupy the pub. They are accompanied by a few feeble voices having a conversation debating the propriety and danger of governing predicated upon conspiracy theories.


“But our conspiracy theories were for fun and no one took them seriously, ” Said the bearded man.

“I agree. No one ever died over a penny, millions of pennies maybe but never a penny,” replied Mr. Panama.

The nondescript bartender chimed in, “There have always been conspiracy theories and people that believe them.”

“True, but what if the world was on the same party line.”

“What do you mean by party line?”

“That is what the internet has become for those who people have said are “great thinkers.” (The phrase”Great thinkers “brought to you by the noun sarcasm.)

“Hurray for 2021“

The sound of static is heard as the pub disappears and fuzzy visions of toys come into focus.

“So remind me again why we are quarantined,” asked Yo.

“Because some kids in the shelter tested positive for COVID,” replied Xena.

“Yea but we can’t die from it. You said it yourself,” replied Yo.

“No we can’t but we can be carriers.”


“Well yea but the children probably won’t die.”

“Rather cavalier of you. What if they were your kids or your parents?”

“Yea, that’s bad. I see your point.”

“Hurray for 2021.“

Location 2: The Pearly Gates.


Both Herbert and St. Peter are working at the welcome desk and each are manning their own line. The pandemic has been hell on heaven. Hell is no picnic either but Hell is always hell.

Herbert paused before servicing the next arrival.
“I wish people would wear their damn masks.”A glare from Peter forced an apology from Herbert.
“I’m sorry St. Pete.”

“Have I mentioned that I prefer Peter.”

“Um, yes sir.”

” I will let the “damn” go for now because these are difficult times. People not wearing their damn masks is not helping.”

People, just wear your damn masks.


“Hurray for 2021.” Alright we get it. The author is glad 2021 is here.


If you missed the character links

Mr. Panama, The bearded one and the nondescript bartender were introduced in an earlier blog posting [https://thesoundoflaughter.wordpress.com/2016/02/21/the-art-of-the-conspiracy/]


Yo and Xena were introduced in this posting.
[https://thesoundoflaughter.wordpress.com/2013/12/11/black-friday-a-different-perspective/]


Herbert was introduced in this posting.
[http://thesoundoflaughter.com/its-that-season-already/]










Humor, satire

The Art of The Conspiracy

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In a dimly lit bar ensconced in the chill of a capitol hill winter afternoon, sit three men.

 

 

They are holding an impromptu meeting in light of some unexpected events. The three do not know each other but of each other. That’s the way this deal goes down.
That’s the way they like it. That’s the way it needs to be.

The first one to speak, with some reluctance, was the bearded one.

“If you recall, our most recent meeting discussed giving guidance, mentoring if you will, to a known public figure that may have desired to concoct a conspiracy involving a yet to be identified public figure.”

“I thought we knew who he was and what he wanted,” said the nondescript bartender.

“Shut your trap, you know he likes to dramatize for effect,” whispered Mr Panama.

“Well , we do know the man and certainly the world knows him, “ replied the bearded one.

“ To summarize, part of our council was to advise against direct involvement. Instead, we strongly suggested conspiracy by proxy, that he go through a third party to mechanize events.”
“Mechanize? Has he been watching too many mob movies?” uttered the unassuming bartender.

“Well, if he has do you really want to make him angry?” whispered Mr. Panama.

“Excellent point.”

“Well,” continued the bearded one. “It seems said public figure has ignored our advice and taken direct action. We are here to discuss potential fallout and can we say plausible deniability.”

“Um, yes, we can, um, I can,” answered the nondescript bartender.

“That wasn’t a question you dolt,” interjected Mr. Panama.

“Of course. I knew that. Hey, can I have a better name,” asked the nondescript bartender.

“No, as a member of a conspiracy, nondescript is perfect. It is , well, nondescript,” replied Mr.Panama. “That does remind me of a similar issue. Mr Bearded One, For clarities sake can I suggest we give those involved more distinct monikers?”

“Monikers? Did you just get a thesaurus,” asked the bartender.

“Yea, I’m improving myself. You gotta problem?

“No, It’s just an observation.”

“Distinct Monikers,” echoed the Bearded one. “Yes, we can do that. Let’s call the person seeking advice “pompadour.” His recently identified subject of the conspiracy will be called “the judge.”

“Oh, the picture is becoming clearer now,” said the nondescript bartender.

“Good because I thought I was going to have to do a paint by numbers thing with you two,” mumbled the bearded one.”

“It’s all over the news. How could we not connect the dots,” stated Mr. Panama.
“Yes, which is precisely the problem,” replied the Bearded One. “We need to make sure
we are insulated.”

“Refresh my memory. How did he get a hold of us in the first place,” asked the Bartender.

“A sandwich delivery with shall we say a little fiber,” replied the Bearded One.

“Oh, the old note in the sandwich trick,” said the Bartender.

“Yes but delivered to one of our couriers who then delivered it to the Bearded One,” added Mr Panama.

“So we are untraceable?”

“We should be,” said the Bearded One.

Just then the front door burst open and on its heals followed the last of the winter sun.

A silhouette appeared in the doorway in the shape of a man who could have been Elvis or some other guy with a pompadour.

“Oh no,” uttered Mr. Panama.

“How did you find us?” asked the barman.

“I just asked around for the best Margaritas on Capitol hill,” replied the new but confused arrival.”

“What’s with the miniature poodle on your head,” asked the barman.

“Oh, I let her do that as a puppy. Now it’s the only way she’ll go anywhere with me.

Humor

Who’s On First ( The Perfect Conspiracy Theory Continued)

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In a neighborhood pub in the shadow of the Nations Capitol an unassuming bartender stood post behind the bar. In one hand was a dishtowel and in the other was the same pint glass he had been polishing for the last hour.

   The bar had a supply of clean glasses that could survive several friday nights of fraternity parties but it was what people expected of bartenders.He was all about service.

It was at times like these his imagination tended to escape the shadows of the murky pub and explore the boundaries of reality.

The bartender glanced up at the clock on the wall and noticed that it was about time for a visit from the bearded one. Right on cue the door opened and a shaft of afternoon light barged its way in outlining the man he only knew as the bearded one. When the door had closed and the sunburnt silhouette had faded from his retina he found the bearded man standing in front of him while he waited for his next conspiratorial proclamation.

“My sources say the penny ruse is run amok and the stage is set for Cabal phase 2. I shan’t stay for a beer. I must be off,” said the bearded one and in the blink of an eye he was gone.

Oh I think you already are, thought the bartender.

Mr. Panama will be happy to hear the news. There was no telling when he would show up. Mr. Panama prided himself on his unpredictability.

Mr. Panama often said that he did not live his life in patterns so as to be impossible to follow. The bartender thought Mr Panama lived in a multitude of dimensions but reality wasn’t one of them.

The bartender returned the glass to the shelf and started on another one.

The sound of throat clearing caught his attention and he turned around and low and behold Mr Panama had silently appeared sitting at the bar. I hate when he does that, he thought.

“Has the bearded on been here today,” asked Mr. Panama.

“That would be a yes,” replied the bartender.

“Did he have recent news pertaining to our mutual venture,“ asked Mr. Panama.

“Oh the cabal?”

“Ix nay on the abal cay”, whispered the panama wearing one.

“Oh I’m sorry. Yes, he said something to the effect of “the penny ruse is run amok and the stage is set for Cabal phase 2. I shan’t stay for a beer. I must be off.””

“Very well but I’m confused about the beer part.”

“Well, he couldn’t stay for a beer. I should have left that bit out.”

“Yes, well it sounds like he believes the true goal is really the misdirection. “

“Oh, that’s bad.”

“Au contraire, that is good.”

“It is?”

“Yes. Remember that our main goal really is to keep the penny in circulation.”

“Oh, that is not the diversion?”

“No. The beauty of the plan is that the diversion is the goal.”

“But isn’t Mr. Beard part of the conspiracy?”

“Well yes and no.”

“Oh. Well, who’s on first?”

“Pardon?” replied Mr. Panama.

“Sorry, I’m just a little confused.”

“Mr. Beard is part of the plan. He plays the role of the unwitting conspirator.”

“Oh. Yes, of course.”

     And I must be playing the role of the unwitting bartender, he thought as he returned the newly polished glass to the shelf.

“Now that that is settled. I shan’t stay. I must be off,” said Mr. Panama

The barmen turned around and noticed that the man had left without a sound. Even the squeaky door was silent.

The barman shook his head and thought “Who’s On First” was much easier to follow. How did I get involved with this charade? I think they both must be off.

Humor, Uncategorized

Fostering Paranoia (Brewing The Perfect Conspiracy cont..)

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The good stuff. Lies and trails to nowhere. Disinformation, subterfuge and disingenuous relationships. The good stuff. The fun stuff.

Any good conspiracy or at least one worth a book or hollywood movie contains the good stuff.
The good stuff organizes the people that have taken notice of strange goings on and points them in several directions at once.

Its the original ‘hey look over there’ gag with the part of your uncle played by a group whose goal is something a little more nefarious than stealing your french fries.

A good campaign of disinformation can foment paranoia among those that think they are on to something. When this happens, the odds that the conspiracy will be successful goes up tremendously.

Those that are suspicious will start to see conspiracy in every nook, cranny and shadow around them.

Once the phrase “but that’s what they want you to
think” is uttered, their credibility, if they had any, is totally blown.

If they are lucky they can get a book deal, if not they may find themselves spending hours in therapy with an occasional trip to the pharmacist forsome ‘calming’ medication.

Capitol Hill bathed in the shadows of the afternoon sun. It was late
August and the Hill was doing something it did well, making people sweat and spreading corruption. Quite often the two are related.

A ceiling fan lorded over the patrons in a nondescript bar a few blocks from Capitol Hill. It rotated at a teasing rate that said,

“Yea, maybe I can turn
faster. Wouldn’t you like to find out.”

Beneath the fan sat two gentlemen each nursing a beer. Both were
wearing the same gold and black signet ring. Both had the same build and were around the same age. But for the beard of one and the Panama hat of the other they would be hard to tell apart.

“So what’s on the agenda today. I hope its the good stuff. I have been
waiting quite a while for the good stuff,” said Panama.

The Beard opened a manilla envelope and pulled out one sheet of 4×5 notepad paper. “It says here that we are getting some attention and need to start our previously discussed campaign of disinformation and paranoia.”

“Alright. The good stuff,” exclaimed Panama.

Fun with the good stuff.

Humor

Brewing The Perfect Conspiracy Theory

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Two blocks from capital hill at the end of an unassuming street sat a neighborhood bar. In a sparsely lit corner of the bar a small table is occupied by a rather nondescript gentleman. A narrow shaft of light cuts across his chin, arcs across the table and exposes a weathered hand that has raised quite a few toasts over the years. A sparkle of light flashes from his ring finger as he raises a cold glass of freshly poured ale.

Behind the bar a young man is prepping garnishes for the happy hour rush. A twinkle in the corner of the bar catches his eye. He remembers the ring the man wore and figured that as the source of the flash. Nothing about the man was remarkable but the ring and its strange carousel symbol was interesting enough to lodge in his memory.

The man had mentioned that he was meeting up with someone and they should be here shortly. The young man wondered if his confidant would also be wearing a strange ring.

That would be cool, he thought. Maybe some kind of conspiracy is afoot

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