Tag Archives: Boulder

Boulder Noir: Trustafarian Thad

Frank Bronski had just met with Trustafarian Thad. Yes, he needed a better moniker but inspiration is fleeting. In Boulder it ebbed and flowed like ripples in time. That stanza was getting stuck in his brain but it was a handy explanation for everything Boulder. The trustafarians name was actually Thad. His dad was a rich industrialist and Thad was just waiting till he was old enough to take over his trust fund but for now settled for a monthly allowance and whatever he could glean from the mean streets of Boulder.

Thad wanted to be called Sticks. He was between bands but of course he played the drums and his recent band had played a fusion of Reggae, Acid Jazz and Polka. Frank shuddered to think what that sounded like and although he accepted an offer of a demo CD, his days of psychedelics were in the past so he would be putting it to use as a coaster. “Sticks” didn’t sound very hard boiled but he had to admit it sounded better than Trustafarian Todd, who always looked violently ill when he was call that, so Sticks it would be.

His meeting assured that his first case was almost put to bed.It was a good feeling and it would be even better when he called Mrs Simpson and told her the good news. Her husband was a workaholic not a philanderer. After leaving Franks office, Steven Simpson had returned immediately to work where he remained there until he left some three hours later and returned home with no stops along the way. Soon It would be on to the next mystery. The next mystery didn’t come with a paycheck but a mystery nonetheless.

Who the heck was this shadow guy?

His meeting with Sticks uncovered a potential clue towards that question.

Sticks had insisted on meeting away from downtown Boulder and his fellow trustafarians. He had said he didn’t want to appear as a snitch and as Frank wasn’t holding any weed it would definitely look suspicious. Frank didn’t ask why the concept of “holding” still applied in a world where weed was legal but he just figured mindsets about that were baked in. Not that being on a bike path in an underpass was not suspicious but the path was empty at time of day so they went unnoticed. What did not go un-noticed by Frank was the mural that occupied the walls of the underpass.

“Hey sticks, who painted this?”

“Oh man I have no idea. I think it was a collective effort dude.”

“So no ideas as to anyone who could have painted it?”

“Sorry dude, no clue. It just started showing up here bit by bit. “

“Bit by bit,” asked Frank.

“ Yea, it seems like every few weeks someone would notice a new character or feature. There is a lot of rumors going around about it.”

“What kinds or rumors?”

“Oh the usual, one was a government conspiracy involving the CIA, NSA and the ABA.”

“Um, the American Basketball Association got absorbed into the NBA in the 70’s.”

“Not that ABA. This ABA is the American Baking Association”.

“The American Baking Association?”

“Don’t ask me, it’s the internet and lack of critical thinking skills enable people to spread BS virtually unchecked.”

“That is so true. Don’t get me started.”

“There is another story that aliens created it and it represents a plan to take over Boulder.”

“Just Boulder?”

“Hey like I said it’s the internet.”

“Right,” mumbled Frank his attention suddenly drawn to a character in the corner of the mural in front of some distant mountains, presumably the Flatirons. It appeared to be a man in a trench coat and a fedora but otherwise featureless and painted in flat black. He looked like shadow man.”

“Any details about any of the characters?”

“I don’t remember any but there is a lot of other theories online that talks about them. I can send you some links.”

“That would be great thanks.”

“The game is afoot,” said Frank.

“What dude?”

“Oh just a saying.”

He wasn’t sure if there was a game, let alone what it was, but he was a big Sherlock Holmes fan and he always wanted to say that.

Boulder Noir: Steve Simpson Roulette 1 Empty Chamber

Frank was just wrapping up a successful sting operation. Technically there still was one more target to show up but he was pretty sure he had the right Steve Simpson. He was playing Steve Simpson Roulette and there was still one left in the chamber so he had to sure. The roulette analogy didn’t quite work but it sounded cool.

The first guy who showed up was Jon S. Doe. Jon arrived bright and early. Frank reasoned he was either expecting a rush or he wanted to show up when it was the least busy on the street. It would be easy to spot Feds watching the place.

From what Frank could tell, Jon S. Doe may or may not be his real name. He listed his occupation as a Paranormal Guide. Just because Frank had never encountered the occupation didn’t mean it wasn’t legit. On the other hand, it may be something that quelled the urge to ask questions although he thought Mortician would have done a better job. This is Boulder so it could go either way. His questionnaire indicated he was single. He had no ring and if he did have one it couldn’t have been on for long period. There was no tale tan or ring line on his ring finger.

It turns out he actually could have picked the guy with the closest correct name. S. Simpson turned out to be the guy. He was married, had a ring and definitely looked like he was keeping late hours. He mentioned “he had to get back to work before they realized he was gone but at the amount of unpaid overtime he was working they should just deal with it.” Now he could have also taken that as an answer to the question of cheating on his wife but he needed to be thorough.

To be sure he had the correct guy, he paid a “trustafarian” 1to follow Mr. Simpson to his car and get the make, model and license plate. If the guy took a ride share he was to get the same information. If he took a bus he was out of luck.

It was getting a bit chilly with the window open but Frank was trying to quit smoking and he was having a rough go of it. Besides in addition to clearing out the smoke it kept him awake. The decision to finally quit was helped out when he discovered upon returning to Colorado that smoking indoors was now banned. He was waiting for the last potential Steve Simpson. He was playing roulette. He had to be sure he had the right guy. He decided he needed a warm up courtesy of a short pour of the old GlenBargain. He took a sip and savored the slow warmth in his stomach

His thoughts were interrupted but the ring of a small bell he had put on the door downstairs.

“Ah, the last Steve Simpson in the chamber. Time to finish the game of roulette,” he thought. He finished off his Scotch and decided against another pour. He could celebrate when he was positive he had the right Steve. Suddenly he heard more than one set of footsteps on the stairs and a man’s voice “I thought I recognized the SOB”. Frank started to panic. Someone had recognized him. It wasn’t the previous two Simpson candidates they would have seemed familiar.

I’ll have to figure who later. Frank cut his thoughts short. It was fight or flight time and he was outnumbered. Time to cheese it. It’s a good thing he left the back window open .

Exit Backstage.

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The Gig (Boulder Noir 2)

Newbie private detective, office squatter and wrinkled clothed Frank Bronski has his first gig as a client wanders into “his” office.

“Don’t you think It’s a bit chilly in here Mr. Bronski?”

“I apologize. I’ve, um, complained to the landlord but no action from them yet.

So what’s the gig?”

“Gig,” asked Desiree Simpson.

“I’m sorry. What would you like to hire me for?”

“Well I’m sure this is almost cliche for a man in your position but I think my husband, Steve is having an affair.”

“It is somewhat cliche but not to me. I won’t treat it as such.”

That’s actually the truth he thought. It’s not a cliche if it’s my first case. What’s a cliche in this instance are my thoughts,“why would a man cheat on this lovely dame”. I am definitely sure that’s been asked a million times in a million cities about a million dames and just in this year alone.

“Why do you believe your husband is having an affair?

“Oh the usual signs you hear about. Many late nights at the office. I can understand some late nights. We are fairly new in town so it’s a new job for him but every night is a little much. To add to that, friends have said they have seen him out an about when he said he was working late. On one occasion a friend said she saw him with another woman. She couldn’t explain why but thought there was something between them.”

“Well that seems worth investigating,”he said.

Because I don’t believe in jumping to conclusions but he seems guilty from the get go, he thought.

“So you think he may be having an affair?”

“During this part of the dance I try not to think and prefer to act on instinct and let my footwork lead. Early conclusions can cloud the truth.”

“You sound like a man of experience.”

Frank didn’t know if he should feel flattered or disappointed in her lack of judgement.

“I’m afraid of the outcome but I’d rather know than feeling perpetually uncertain.”

“Thats brave of you”

“Oh I don’t think it’s being brave if the alternative is to drive myself crazy.”

“Do you have a recent picture of your husband?”

She pulled a photo out of her handbag.

Frank expected a ruggedly handsome guy. Looking at the picture he decided he was half right.

The rugged part fit but rugged in the way a failed boxer looks after a career of blocking many punches with his face. He thought “Fooling around? He should be hanging on to her like grim death.

Somehow though he seemed familiar. Had he seen him around town?

Frank asked her some routine questions about where they lived, where he worked, places (ie bars) he hung out after work, who his friends were etc.

He diligently took notes until his hand stopped in it’s tracks.

“Oh, he doesn’t drink.”

“Recovering alcoholic?”

“No he just doesn’t drink.”

Hmm, something was definitely fishy about this guy but what did he care, it was his first Gig.

“Well I think that’s enough dope, uh information, to get started. I’ll be in touch.

“Thank you Mr. Bronski. I hope it will be good news.”

With that she spun on one heal and exited leaving the slight scent of lilac in her wake.

He never liked lilac until now. It usually reminded him of a nonagenarian dipped in it leaving church. But it gently draped Desiree Simpson and she barely wore it at all.

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Boulder Noir

The cold grey sky of downtown Boulder became dotted with flakes of falling snow.

The writer is beginning this story breaking the “rule” of not starting out with a description of the weather. He doesn’t give a rats “bahooty” about rules. Now he’s just making up words ( bahooty is not in the dictionary). He’s a rebel. Hell, he may even drink the old gallon of milk in his refrigerator. He’s pretty sure it’s at least a week past its sell by date. So yeah, don’t mess with him.

If one where to gaze up at the top floor of #1313 Pearl Street,  one could see the figure of our hero2,Frank Bronski, surveying the area. There is much to know about Frank and that knowledge will be revealed as the story unfolds. One question our dear reader may have is why a man in his mid thirties in the 21st century would act and speak as though he is a character in a Sam Spade novel. That is a question for which there is no obvious answer. Sometimes the all knowing narrator doesn’t know as much as he pretends.

Boulder is a town of free spirits so when Frank was out and about wearing a trench coat and a fedora no one gave him a second glance. On second thought , maybe some folks check to make sure he’s wearing pants. I’ve monopolized the story enough. Take it away Frank.

“I dragged my peepers up and down the street and glaumed no sign of trouble. Is “glaumed” the correct slang? See, saw, glaumed? I think so. In this case trouble is anyone that looked like a landlord type. I’m not exactly a paying tenant. What I am exactly is a squatter. This gumshoe gig is new for me and I needed to have a respectable office location. Unfortunately respectable is pricey in downtown Boulder. All I could afford was an embarrassing stall at an out of the way strip mall. Out of the way in Boulder is nowhere near town.

Because of it’s high real estate prices, downtown Boulder never seems to be lacking in available space. I was taking advantage and making one such space unavailable.

No one seemed to be aware that squatting was being committed so I threw up a temporary sign outside the door. The sign was temporary but I had spent some time and a steady hand  spelling out “Bronski Private Detective Agency” in hopes that it would look somewhat professional. I thought the word “Agency” made all the difference in the world.

By the old clock on the wall it was five minutes before an appointment with my first client, a babe by the name of Desiree Simpson. I hope the clock wasn’t slow, it came with the office. As if on cue the clock decided it had enough and promptly fell off the wall.

I settled into an office chair behind an old ratty desk, again accessories that came with the office. I then heard the high heel driven footsteps of who I hoped was my client. The door slowly opened as a  redhead with sunglasses poked her head in. Satisfied she wasn’t going to get jumped, the rest of her body, including a pair of long legs followed.”

“Desiree Simpson,” he asked.

“Yes and you’re Mr. Bronski?”

“Yep the sign is not lying. What’s with the cheaters?”

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry, sometimes my lingo runs away with me. The sunglasses. Why the sunglasses? It’s not sunny”

“No it’s my poor attempt to avoid being recognized.”

“Oh?”

“I am fairly well known in quite a few circles in this town, enough that I don’t want anyone seeing me walking into a detective agency.”

Frank didn’t tell her that being seen walking into an abandoned building may be worse.

“That’s an Interesting sign you have there”. 

“Yea I like it because I can turn it around at the end of the day and it spells “Closed”.  

Swell, she thought and wondered if this guy was the right guy for the job.

Up next “The Gig”

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