Monthly Archives: November 2022

Humor

I Miss Myself

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I miss myself. The pre pandemic and post retired me.
It was a brief moment but I really liked myself that one year.
I had even tossed out my overvalued work ethic that was me just being mean to myself. To be honest it was only overvalued by me but I still don’t understand the concept of quiet quitting.

Currently when I work on something important I still havea bit of my old work ethic. Which is ok, although in my retirement phase I am doing some work for a non profit and I could see myself putting on my cape and being heroic. Fortunately the dry cleaners ruined my last cape. Over working myself for charity is much better than making money for someone else.

I was happy go lucky. That is and of itself is out of character.


Just ask anyone who knows me to describe me and I guarantee “happy” and “lucky” are two words that are never mentioned in their reply unless the phrase “not very” precede them .

If only I had done some traveling that year but I needed to decompress after overworking myself for the greater glory of a strong work ethic for over 30 years. Well I guess since I’ve worked since I was 15 it was really like close to 40 years.

I have now determined that “strong” in this instance meant insane.
I thought I’d start up some traveling right after the decompression was complete but COVID happened and it became political, people started to believe in stupid conspiracy theories and died.

For the most part I can start traveling now but with some restrictions. China is still off the itinerary. Apparently they are still running around like a chicken with its head cut off due to a resurgence of COVID. Incidentally I’m not sure they have ruled out headless chickens as the cause. That is a joke. Please don’t add that to the poison stew that is Q.

Poland is on my list of places to travel to as well as Ireland. They are the countries of my ancestors. Unfortunately that asshat Putin invaded the Ukraine. Since the people of Poland are neighbors they have to be a bit nervous. I don’t know, they may hate the Russians as much or more than the people of Ukraine so maybe its anger they feel. I believe at this moment Ireland is safe enough to visit as long as you don’t bring up religion. Don’t get me started, no really you don’t have to, I’m a self starter.

Either way its not a good time to visit Poland with the a fore mentioned asshat lobbing missiles left and right with no great concern for civilian life. For those of you in sympathy with Putin, WTF is wrong with you. But I digress that is a rant left for another day and my “Old Guy Ranting” series. Which is a fairly large category.

Alas I can only sit in repose and muse about that one glorious year of retirement before the world became full of COVID and assHats.

That may be a good name for an angry heavy metal band. COVID and Asshats that is , not “one glorious year of retirement before the world became full of COVID and asshats.” While it does have some cachet it wouldn’t fit on any marque announcing their gig.

As you were….

Humor, Social Media

I Now Pronounce You an Influencer

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Social media has brought us the age of the “influencer”.

Yes there are people who actually list their occupation as social media influencer.

Before they came along the only time I heard the word “influence” it was preceded by the word “bad” and it was used by authority figures when expressing disappointment at my choice of people I hung out with. That of course was when I was a reckless youth. I’ve changed since getting older. Now I’m a reckless adult.

More than 3.4 billion people actively use social media – that’s 45% of the world’s population. That’s a crap ton of people interested in a variety of things from the common to the WTF. Some of the WTFs are that because you never heard of whatever they are interested in pushing and some are WTF because WKD ( what kind of deviant) would be into such a thing.

Social Media loves acronyms. Ive found that, since retirement, my need for acronyms which was satisfied by my profession is now is being satisfied by social media.

Thanks Social media. The previous sentence brought to you by the noun sarcasm. If it sounds like I am saying something positive it’s probably sarcasm.

My research hasn’t been deep. It’s much more fun to make crude remarks and shallow observations based on very little knowledge whatsoever. Isn’t that what social media is all about? The research came to a halt when I discovered the “dead body guy.” 1

This is a man who poses as a dead body in various locations in the few poses that are available to dead bodies. One would think the entertainment factor would grow old after five or six appearances but this guy has done hundreds or so “crime scenes”.

He performs this amazing feat in hopes of influencing television and movie producers who may be looking to cast a dead body.

I laughed for quite a while or at least until I found out that he was successful and just signed on to do an episode of one of the CSI franchises.

I’m not sure which CSI show but it’s too bad CSI Miami is off the air. The look on David Caruso’s face when he whips off his sunglasses seems like a face a person would make when discovering a body that has been there a while. Good luck in your career “Dead Body Guy”.