Tag Archives: Senate

Disorder in The Senate (entitlements)

 

Scene  Senatorial Hearing (Grilling) of Nominee for the ” FIB” position ( fill in the blank)

“Welcome, Mr. Appointee. How are you doing this fine day?”

“I’m doing well thank you.”

“ I have just a few questions for you and then we’ll let you go. I’m sure you have better things to do than answering stupid questions.”

“Oh, I live for them.”  

“Pardon?”

“Um, Ok Senator.”

 “I don’t think you have clarified your views are on this next subject. How do you feel about entitlements?”

  “They’re the bane of society and I think they should be discouraged in favor of the good old American idea of working for a living.”

“Excellent thoughts Mr. Appointee and thank you. I have no further questions. I yield the floor to my colleague across the aisle and  from the great state of great states.”

“Mr. Appointee I thank you for your time today. I would like to go back to one of your previous responses and clear up some detail
that I believe is missing.”

“That’s fine by me Senator.”

“You had responded to a question by my colleague from the great states of great states.”

“Which state was that?”

“ The great one. It was the question about entitlements.”

“Oh yes, I hate them.”

“Yes, I gathered that. In particular what entitlements do you not like.”

“Well, social security for one. People collecting social security and not contributing  to society.”

“If I may Senator, could you read this definition from the dictionary.”

“Oh, a reading test. What happens If I fail?”

“Unfortunately nothing, in fact, you’ll probably get re-elected.”

“e-n-t-i-t-l-e-m-e-n-t.  entitlement : the state or condition of being entitled.”

“That’s one meaning but it doesn’t describe how you get to that state in the first place. If you read the second meaning it will tell us how the condition of entitlement is reached. Can you read that one also?”

“These are getting harder. entitlement : a right to benefits specified  by law or contract.”

“Correct. When we are talking about social security we are saying that people have a right to those benefits because it’s part of the contract. They pay a tax from their paycheck and that money goes to fund social security payments. They are entitled to those payments because it’s their money.”

“Oh, so it’s their money. Wow, you just blew my mind. I haven’t had that done since the sixties. ”

“Oh, I doubt that. On that note, I move to adjourn until tomorrow morning.”

Like thoroughbreds breaking out of the gate the Senators made a beeline for the exit.”

Heard above the din were various exclamations to the gist of  “So that’s what it means, “I second that” and “Oh boy leftover meat surprise again”.

Pharma-Capitol Shenanigans (Pharmaceutical-Palooza Series)

Location : Capitol Hill – An office in the Senate office Building. When: Late afternoon (after completion of a presentation by Hypochondriacs against Big Pharma Commercials).

“I don’t know about you Senator but I don’t think that went too well,” said Abe.

“Were you at the same session that I was at because I think that was a resounding success,” replied the Senator.

“Resounding? I don’t think there were more than 35 Senators there.”

“Yes , but at the beginning we had a full house.”

“But there were open seats.”

“When you get 70 senators out of a 100 to show up that’s a full house.”

“That is depressing.”

“No, that is reality.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s not depressing. There was only 15 left at the end of a thirty minute presentation.”

“Yea that was your fault.”

“How was it my fault?”

“The average age of a US Senator is 60. You lost twenty senators at the mention erectile disfunction.”

“Why did that cause them to leave?”

“It reminded them that they needed a refill.”

“So when did I lose the rest?”

“You lost a few more at the mention of temporary memory loss, hemeroids and frequent urination. It was kind of a steady trickle after that.”

“You’re putting that all on me?”

“Well, that’s probably not fair. Our normal daily attrition rate is similar and for pretty much the same reasons.”

“Again, thats depressing.”

“It could have been worse.”

“How?”

“You could have mentioned side affects related to alcoholism. That would have emptied the place.”

“So whats our next move?”

“Well, normally I would conduct follow up meetings in the next couple of days but I will probably
wait until next week.”

“Why the wait?”

“Well, you got em stirred up a bit today. The frequent urinators will be back in the morning but It will take a few days for the hemorrhoid sufferers to calm down. It could be a while for the memory loss folks if at all.”

“If at all?”

“Yea, they could just think they’re retired. It’s happened before.”

 

Other posts in this series

Pharmaceutical-Palooza

The First Step is Admitting You Don’t Have a Problem

There is No I in Anonymous

Mr. Doe Goes To Washington