The hours had passed slowly at the Pearly Gates as Herbert tried to absorb as much information as possible from St. Peter before he took his vacation leave.
“Is it always this slow,” asked Herbert.
“It comes an goes. Sometimes the list is short and other times the list contains a gaggle of souls.”
“Kind of like a rush to judgement.”
“Cute. Keep your day job”
“I’m an acquired taste.”
“Yea, so is Sushi”.
Just then a shuttle arrived with a lone passenger.
Peter checked the list and prepared to greet a Mr. Acme. Hmm, that’s an unusual name. “Welcome Mr. Acme.”
“Mr?” queried the man.
“Having no surname what do you prefer,” asked Peter.
“I have always gone by The Acme Company,” replied Mr. Acme.
“The Acme Company. That seems a bit unusual. Are you an artist or a musician,” asked Peter.
“No. I can’t say that I am. What else would you call a global
conglomerate that provides a full spectrum of products ranging from Shampoo to Talcum Powder.”
“Top to Bottom,” injected Herbert. Peter gave him a look that said silence would have been a better option.
“Oh Oh. I knew this day would come,” said Peter.
“What day is that,” asked Herbert.
“The day that would bring a corporeal crisis of existential proportions.”
“What, dogs and cats living together?” asked Herbert.
“Nice movie reference. I’ll give you that one,” replied a slightly grinning Peter.
“See, I’m growing on you. What did you mean “you knew this day would come”,” asked Herbert.
“I have been waiting for this day ever since the citizens united decision,” groaned Peter.
“I still don’t get what’s going on,” replied Herbert.
“What we have here is a corporation that thinks it is a person,” answered Peter.
“Oh Oh,” uttered Herbert.
“But I am a person. The Supreme Court Says so,” replied Mr. Acme.
“Sorry Acme, the Supreme Court has no jurisdiction here and making big campaign contributions does not give you a soul,” explained Peter.
“Oh, so where should I go?” asked Mr Acme.
I am thinking bankruptcy court,” replied Peter writing something on an official looking card. “There seems to have been a major corporeal catastrophe. This requires a higher power. Give this to the shuttle driver and he’ll take you to the proper station.”
“What shuttle driver,” asked Acme as a shuttle arrived.
“You have a very short sighted approach to existence. Now that you have plenty of time on your hands you need to be more patient. Good luck.”
“Ok, Thanks for the advice,” replied Mr. Acme as the shuttle whisked him away.
“Wow. Was that the strangest arrival you have had here,” asked Herbert.
“There was one that came close.”
“Yeah. How so?”
“Some guy who showed up with a ‘nutter-butter sandwich.”
“That doesn’t sound weird.”
“He was half naked and called himself the king.”
“Yea, that qualifies.”